7 Ways That Therapy Can Help Your Dating Life

Can Therapy Help with Your Dating Life?

Have you ever wondered how therapy can make a difference in your dating life if you are single?

Well, therapy can help in many ways.

While we all know going through a break-up, separation or divorce can be one of the most difficult things to go through, the act of dating can be just as tough . Whether you are looking for a casual situation, just meeting someone know, or hoping to settle down, dating comes with the ups and downs of excitement, rejection, rejection, infatuation, and hope to name just a few emotions.

On top of that, dating can be even more challenging for those who are entering the scene after a break-up, death in the family, move to a new city or co-morbid mental or physical health condition. We work with many clients who come to therapy hoping to work through things that may be holding them from finding love. In therapy, we are able to shed light on unhealthy patterns, emotions and reasons why you may be seeking out the wrong type of partner.

Read on to discover why and how therapy can help you find the right partner.

1.    Boost your confidence

Is there a more vulnerable position than going on a date? Some compare dating to the feeling of interviewing for a new job. You may feel you are putting yourself out there for the scrutiny of a virtual stranger, offering your heart, and maybe letting someone know everything about you.

The prospect is daunting for anyone, and all the more so if you already struggle with self-esteem. A therapist can work with you to understand how your own “self-talk” (the way you relate to yourself in your mind) is affecting your self-esteem, and to grow your self-worth so that you find partners who are worth your while. Therapy is also a place where you can learn about your “locus of control,” which is psychologist-speak for the degree of agency and power you feel in your choices. Therapy is a great place to boost your confidence because the very act of pursuing therapy is a practice in valuing yourself.

2.    Help you make sense of what you want and need in a partner

For some, dating is complicated because they are not quite sure what they’re looking for. Our culture, community, family, and social media feed might put certain expectations on what dating is supposed to achieve, but those ideas can zap the joy out of dating and make it feel pressured instead.

Therapy can be a space to unpack the source of those expectations and to reflect on how much they do (or don’t!) align with your own personal goals. On a deeper level, a therapist can guide you in exploring your own values and emotions, and in understanding any ambivalence or fears that might be holding you back.

3.    Understand your attachment style and why you may keep picking the “wrong person”

There are plenty of internet quizzes out there to tell you what your favorite noodle says about your style of love. While pasta preference might not provide the most helpful dating insight, it is true that we each have a relationship style. Therapists use the term “attachment style” to describe the very real and very powerful pattern of relating to others that each one of us starts to form when we are just babies. Our attachment styles are shaped by the way love and care was provided in our families.

Research shows that our early attachment style tends to predict our relationship style in adulthood, often without us realizing it. Therapists who specialize in psychodynamic, relational, and schema-focused work can help you bring these patterns to light. This, in turn, can help break the cycle of dating the same kind of partner over and over that just isn’t working for you.

4.    Process past relationships and break-ups

Remember when we said that dating is vulnerable? It is also an exercise in intimacy and loss on a rapid cycle. Heartbreak is painful. Rejection is painful. Being ghosted is painful. Of course, this pain is compounded if you are back on the dating scene after a death or broken relationship. Or you might be aching for something or someone you never had but wished you could have.

Sometimes, you might hit a wall in dating because there is grief that needs to be addressed and processed. A therapist who works with loss, separation, and grief can guide you in working through your emotions, properly saying goodbye, and opening your heart to someone new.

5.    Reduce interfering symptoms

For many people, psychological issues like generalized anxiety, major depression, manic episodes, or post-traumatic stress make the process of dating a real challenge. It is hard to make dinner plans when you are having trouble just getting out of bed or trying to deal with panic attacks.

You are not alone. Therapy that actively targets these symptoms can reduce your suffering and expand your bandwidth for dating. As just two examples: cognitive behavioral therapy can effectively reduce symptoms like obsessions/compulsions and panic, and trauma-focused therapy can reduce PTSD-related memories and flashbacks.

6.    Develop dating skills

You know when someone has great “game”? They have the set of skills that make them a great dater: putting together an attractive profile, starting and holding a witty conversation, being attentive, and following up just the right amount.

Dating, like any other pursuit, comes with its own set of skills. The thing is, we don’t learn those in school. Working with a behavioral therapist or skills group can be a helpful way to learn and practice the key skills of making conversation, keeping on top of plans, and understanding nonverbal cues, to name a few.

7.    Address intimacy and sex issues

While our society has become more comfortable talking about sex, the conversation is still mighty narrow. For most people, sexuality, sexual pleasure, sexual functioning, and everything in between are sensitive to discuss and often shrouded in secrecy. Finding a therapist you trust can help you explore your sexuality, body image, sexual identity, and sexual functioning.

For those living with functional conditions like vaginismus, erectile dysfunction, or premature ejaculation (which often have a mental and emotional component), a sex therapist or somatic therapist can guide you in effective treatment. And for everyone, a body-positive therapist can help get you in touch with your own body and pleasure so that you feel more confident embarking in a sexual relationship.

Can I do individual counseling even though the problems are with my relationship with my partner?

Absolutely! If you are in a serious relationship or married, you are welcome to do individual counseling to help work on these issues.

Couples counseling is generally ideal for addressing relationship issues but individual counseling can be a good alternative depending on the circumstances.

But there are times when individual counseling option may be a better one than couples therapy.For example, if your partner is does not want to attend couples counseling with you or cannot attend for some reason then it may be best to do therapy on your own. Changes in one person can have an impact on the whole relationship and help improve things all around. Also, there is the option of doing individual therapy and later doing couples therapy if the situation changes with your partner.

Can I do individual counseling and have my partner occasionally join a session?

Yes, this is definitely an option and makes the most sense when the person whom you would like to join session is the other half of the relationship that you’ve come to therapy to help repair. We feel that it may be helpful to include a partner during an occasional session. In this case, preparation would need to be made for such sessions. We will work on this together and ensure that the third person feels safe, valued, and respected.

What Does Relationship Treatment Look Like?

During the first session we will discuss goals and things you would like to improve. During our therapy sessions we will look for common themes that could bring self-awareness and aid in reframing certain situations. This includes an in-depth understanding your experiences with your parents and past experiences in your dating and relationships.

There is Hope For You

Here at the Thriving Wellness Center, we offer relationship therapy in New York, relationship therapy in New Jersey, and relationship therapy online. If you are struggling with dating or relationships contact us to see how we can help you improve your life.